i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
