She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize