Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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