She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This is my gift to your gina
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
