you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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