When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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