its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
