for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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