bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
