his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
