is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
