She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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