Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
