Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
