when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
