I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Buhtt sex?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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