Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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