So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
