I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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