I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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