she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
