I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
