You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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