I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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