I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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