Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think your dad took our porno
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
