Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
