My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
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I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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