WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
