when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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