so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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