i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk is a universal language darling
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