3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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