You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm going to jail i love you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
