my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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