Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
