Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
