and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
