Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
