i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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