No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
not ubering you a puppy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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