winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
