i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
