Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
is it fun? or sober?
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