so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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