chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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