i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
