a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
