if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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