My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
