I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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