You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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