I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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