I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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