Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
