if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
