About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just high enough for therapy.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
