You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
there is glitter all over my balls
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
