i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
