I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
