My sheets look like a crime scene.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I pour the whiskey from now on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
