Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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