Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
