Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
