Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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