and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
