Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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